This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men — Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb — went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, “presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: “And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, ‘Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!’ And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense.”

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is “if it’s such a poor gift that I don’t want to be there when the person opens it.” The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. “No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas,” Gene said. “They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs.”

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it’s myrrh.

* The editors of Woman’s Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must have been on something really bad. If you’re giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It’s a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It’s a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: “Give me a break!”
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Author Unknown (but definitely male)

For what it’s worth, I offer free gift wrapping for any sewing machine sold in my store.  Guess who gets to do it?

I have always wanted to be a pilot someday. After reading this, I am not sure! I laughed so hard at these that I had to share them!:lol:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

August came and went and with it the 1st anniversary of A Stitch in Time’s founding. It also held another move for the business as the old location of 160 sq. feet was insufficient for it’s growth. I now have 270 sq. feet that is contiguous space and is only three-fourths of what I was spending. I moved the last week of August and only now feel like I may be getting settled in.

We are on the move again though. It has been two years since I have been east to see Aimee’s family and with her brother-in-law needing an addition to their trailer, thought that this would be a good time to make a quick trip into Virginia. We plan to leave this Friday after work and drive through the night since that is the best time to travel with small children anyway!! We will be in Ferrum, VA. for the next week before making a quick pass-through trip up to Harrisonburg and Lancaster, PA for a few days before heading home. We plan to return about the 4th of October.

On the humorous side, I had to stay home due to an illness and kept the four oldest children with me. They LOVE having story’s told to them so I decided to tell them several from my growing up days. The one was when I accidentally shot a ring-necked pheasant because I was not using my BB gun properly. So even though my boys are several years away from that right of passage, I decided it is not too early to start instilling in them the need for proper gun safety. After explaining that you never point the gun at something you do not want to shoot, we had a dialogue that went like this.

“Should you point the gun at the dog?”
“NO!”
“Should you point the gun at Grandpa’s chickens?”
“NO!”
“Should you point the gun at the clouds?”
“NOOOO!”
“Why not, son?”
“Because Jesus lives up there!”

We had just gotten done reading the Bible story were Jesus talks about coming in the clouds of glory.

“What does he look like?” (I, who never misses a chance to learn better how to describe one’s looks

Oh how the laughter rolled.

Japheth was only trying to find words to describe his uncle so he compared him to someone he knew.  The thought came to me later, what do people compare me to when they try to describe my physical features, or more importantly, my spiritual features!  Truly, “by their fruits ye shall know them.”

Argh!!  What to do!!!!  Now I know why all single people smile all the time!

“Japheth, I never heard if your new little one is a little boy or a little girl?” (he had not seen us for two weeks since the previous week we had been home from church thinking we were going to have the baby.)

(Me) “Well, it would have to be one or the other I supposed, eh?”

“Yes Japheth, that is how it works! So… (about this time my wife, who he has not seen yet this morning, walks past us, still looking like she has imbibed too much on the watermelon patch. He looks down and sees her) OH….”

The poor fellow! He got red and started stammering around and if I hadn’t felt sorry for him, it would have been quite hilarious!

The new store is up and running and I have been busier than I thought possible! I have been getting at least 5-6 customers a day with some days as many as 15! Thanks to a dear brother who gave us the needed money to mail flyers to 930 sewers in the area, I have been getting quite a few machines in for servicing. I have been so blessed by the Lord and my close friends that I feel that this store is hardly mine, but God’s since he is the one who prompted all these hearts and so bountifully provided everything that was needed.

This picture is of the out side of the building where I have two offices inside. I currently lease about 180 square feet and am using every square inch of it!! However, the main business, Search Resources, may not be staying there much longer and then I would have first dibs on their space (almost 500 square feet) and the bigger sign you see out front. For the time though, I am very content with the space I have and am grateful to the Lord for His leading in getting me there. (see previous post for that saga)

No baby yet though we rechecked all our dates and figures and the EDD could be as late as April 6. So we still wait!!